Sticky Note It

We are women. We bend. We don't break. 

We know this. 

Yet, sometimes we need a reminder, 

so here it is; 

your sticky note for the week, your reminder of just how strong you are. 

Prayer Request

I ask all of my women of faith to keep me in their prayers. I am going through a powerful storm and I need the support of my sisters. 

Waiting on Success?

"I couldn't wait for success, 

so I went ahead without it."

- Jonathan Winters

Following Your Dreams

"Simply following your dreams is not enough. 

You must stalk them, grab them, 

hold them captive and run alongside them.

 Kidnap them if you must. 

You'll thank yourself later." 

- SadeCru

Determined

“In this world there is no force equal to

 the strength of a woman determined to rise” 

-W.E.B. Dubois

Love Yourself

SPIRIT

These Are the Ways to Love Yourself 

"Forgive yourself the nights you climb into bed full-face of makeup, too tired to take it off. forgive yourself the days when one latte is not enough, when the two major food groups are coffee and sugar. forgive yourself that one night when at two a.m. you woke to use the bathroom and inhaled an entire chocolate bar instead. forgive the time spent with a man you now have not one nice thing to say about. and forgive just how long it took to get over him. he was not good and not kind and he is not your fault. 

keep some secrets closer. forgive yourself for actually loving the gentle curve of your hips. and to hell with a society which suggests you might not or should not. they herald your womanhood, the man you marry will lose himself in them, they will hoist groceries and children. they are sturdy--anchoring you firmly to this earth. 

forgive the nights you cannot sleep--sadness or some unnamed force pressing heavy on your chest. forgive the mistakes of the last several years. so you made them. okay. enough. move on. the mistakes and the fault-lines, they are the foundation. forgive yourself that you did not choose an easier path. and forgive yourself the sadness you caused those around you. the broken-promises and cutting words and the things left unsaid. fear was large and biting. forgive the anger you feel. feel it and then look again with kinder eyes. forgive yourself for not handling it all better, for feeling like you let others down. the path is not done, the road is not finished, why are you trying so hard to rush the whole thing? celebrate the fact that your story has some major departures.

go ahead and use that expensive serum that promises to diminish those fine lines. protect and preserve your skin. but when the day does come when forehead creases no longer fade into the background, give thanks. humanity made visible! you will be loved all the more for this. you will love yourself all the more for this. 

and please, for the love of all that is good and holy forgive yourself for loving a man who cannot love you back. love him anyway. send that love into the world and let it fill you up. the only way to know the story is to go out and and write it. live your way into it. ferociously. begin to live and work and fight and love with an unparalleled ferocity. let fear dictate nothing. unfurl your chest, you have all the armor you'll ever need. see with wide eyes and don't forget to laugh." (These Are the Ways to Love Yourself. (to Forgive)., Meg Fee)

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Self love is one of the most important love's to have, so weather you have a man or not remember that the best Valentine's Day gift you could receive today is from yourself.  

Art by Rhonda Gray

I Will Wait For You

SPIRIT & RELATIONSHIPS

Most recently a transcript I wrote of one of my favorite spoken word pieces – Little Girl –  has been receiving an abundance of pageviews. As as result, I decided to transcribe another spoken word piece that I adore. It highlights the importance of patience, especially when in/out of a relationship. In addition to reading this transcript I encourage you to listen to this spoken word piece by clicking the link provided below; after all, spoken word is meant to be heard. 

I Will Wait For You 

by 

Janette Ikz 

So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be a relationship but me

So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him

Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart

I called 911 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting

Because it was me who let him in

Claiming we were “just friends”  

It was already decided for me that by the first date that even if he wasn’t

That I was going to make him the one

You know

I was tired of being alone

And I simply made up in my mind that it was about that time

So I decided to drag him along for the ride

Because I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride

A virgin in the physical but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat

Who was tired of the wait

So I was going to make him the one

He had a form of godliness, but not much

But hey I could change him, so I’ll take him

I mean he’s close enough

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter not knowing the value or use to me

Arteries so clogged with my will it blocked His will from coming through me

So I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack

That flat lined my obscured vision

Put me flat on my back

Through my ignorance he saw

So through my sternum he sawed

And cracked open my chest to transplant Psalms 51:10

A new heart and a renewed right spirit within

So now I fully understand better yet I thoroughly comprehend

How much I need to wait for you

See the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning

Because in the beginning it was the word

And he didn’t even sound or shine like your son

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

And all he could whisper was sweet empty nothings, which meant nothing

He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to

Asking him to fast would be absurd

So forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the word

But I know you

You’re already praying for me, even never have met me  

Let me assure you I will wait for you

I will no longer date, socialize, or communicate with carbon copies of you

To appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention

And short lived compliments from sort-of-kind-of’s

You know

He sort-of-kind-of right, but sort-of-kind-of wrong

His first name Luke

His last name Warm

I won’t settle for false companionship

I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms attempting to find some closeness

But never feeling so far apart because I just want to be held

Because all I got to do is

Say no

No more almost sessions of almost coming close

Passing winks and buying drinks and I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt

Who flirts with the ideology of

 “Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved?”

No more

I’ll stay in my bed alone and write poems about how I will wait for you

He won’t even come close, our fingers won’t even interlock

We won’t even exchange breaths…  

I will no longer get rated down from so called friends

And family talks about the concern for my biological clock

When I serve the author of time

Who is not subject to time but I am subject to Him

He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause, or rewind at any given time

So if we could role play you would be Abraham and I would be Sarah

Or you could be Isaac and I could be Rebecca

A Servants answered prayer

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh

Made up of your rib – Adam

And once we meet

Like electrons I would be bound to your nucleus completely indivisible – Atom    

We even speak the same math

1 plus 1 plus 1 equals 3, which really equals 1 if you add them

We were all created in his image

But you have the ability to reflect, project, and even detect the son

If I were to explain what you look like you would have to look like a star

As son of the son

I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me

I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis

I await your revelation but once again from the genesis

I will wait for you, and I will know you

Because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses

Your faith will remind me of Abraham

Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul

Your heart for God will remind me of David

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph

And your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the Disciples

But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Mathews or any special Marks

Because his word will be tatted all over your heart

And you will know me, and you will find me

Where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth

With the hospitality of Lydia is inline with the submission of Mary,

Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah 

I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 waiting for you

But to my father

My father who has known before I was birthed into this earth

Only if you shall see fit

I desire your will above mine, so even if you call me to a life of singleness

My heart is content with you the one who is [Him]

You are the greatest love story ever told

The greatest love ever known   

You’re forever my judge and I’m forever your witness

And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my father’s business

I will always be yours and I will always wait for you Lord

More than the watchmen wait for the morning

More than the watchmen wait for the morning

I will wait 

Click here, to hear it!

Leadership 101

"Being a leader is like being a lady, 

if you have to go around telling people you are one, 

you aren't." 

- Margaret Thatcher.

Stumbling Into Womanhood

LITERATURE

You’re not a little girl anymore.

"I caught a glimpse of my calves, the way the muscles sit high and long on my leg, the shadows that hours of yoga and wearing the highest heels have attributed to the shading and I thought, “that’s a woman’s leg.” A woman’s leg from the tips of my childishly glittered toes to the top of my thigh. You’re a woman...one who knows how to move and adjust, manicure and present, settle, satisfy and offer her body. You’re in your body.... finally. Who would've thought that day would come? If only I could hush that 18 year olds fretting mind, so lost inside herself.

In the ways that my heart is young and optimistic, accessible and open it has, as a Woman's does, acquired the necessary walls and carefully maintains the ones worth keeping. But in those walls, only a woman knows where the doors are and who is worth letting through. My gut, my instinct alerts like a woman.... it knows the difference between “right,” and “not right for me.” My heart, is no longer an empty room, with a "come one, come all" sign,  waiting to be filled with someone else’s stories, likes and dislikes that I'd hastily claim as my own in an attempt to keep them. That heart vessel doesn't say "Unoccupied," waiting to be invaded, or pillaged like it had been before... It stays FULL and entertained while deliberately awaiting the arrival of one worth re-arranging "the things" for.

My mind thinks like a womans now.... fiercely wanting to protect and nurture, hold and advise those younger around me. Despite my own need for advising. But as a woman can, I admit where guidance is needed and welcome...so that I don’t become stubborn, or rusty.

I can too, admit the places where I’ve hardened. I can track the steps, straight to the source... in honor of my spirit, I’ve done the work layer, by layer. I know now the longer you go without acknowledging the wound the harder it gets to heal when you decide you’re ready.

All of a sudden, in a way I hadn’t craved before...I have this insatiable desire to make sure you’re fed. Physically, spiritually, mentally. I understand that it is our job to bring something to the table and offer it up, without any expectations at all. I want to stimulate your mind, nourish your body, and sustain your spirit...because I've learned how to do it for myself first.

 I admit that I need to learn from my Mother, my Grandmother, your mother... matriarchs... the ways to make a home feel like a place to nest.... the secret ingredients.... the go-to meal.... the must-have medicine cabinet items... patience. Knowing how to gracefully walk away, or pick my battles. This is all a part of it.

Unlike a Girl, I know that things take time. That nothing comes to full bloom in a day. I’ve relinquished the need to have all the answers, or to make you see things my way.  Unlike a Girl, I know what it feels like to try and fit a square peg into a round hole, but now, rather than attempting it, I see the pieces for what they are and let them be.

Unlike a Girl, I don’t wish to be blonde, or shorter. I don’t wish for my hair to fall the way that hers does, or to have smaller ribs, bigger boobs, higher eyebrows... I don't compare relationships.... I know that no one has it “better,” we each just have it “differently.” Unlike a Girl, I’m comfortable with transparency, even if you aren’t. That my words are only of value if they are genuine and without pretense.... that the interaction, relationships, contracts that say, or feel otherwise aren’t “mine....” and that’s okay.  Unlike a Girl, as a Woman I don’t look to be anyone else.... and the “exemplary examples” that I hold ideal, as Mentors I humbly acknowledge will make mistakes. That the only true guide you have is YOU. As a Woman, I find that power terrifyingly exhilarating....unlike a Girl, I’m prepared to harness, feed, listen to my own True North.

The way a Mother subtly does, as a Woman I know when to save my advice, I’ve learned to identify closed ears and closed hearts. I've learned when to slow down, speed up, or just stop completely.

I’ve come to know the power of having a personal spiritual practice that is accessible to me, that is mine, a dialogue that is open before the time of desperation. In my private moments between that of monotony and doubt, I have a deep, deep faith and personal devotion, a commitment to that beautiful divine side... that’s just for me. As a Woman does, I commit to a daily practice, of surrender and awe.

A Woman learns the things that are hers to keep. Her precious moments. The “alone” ones,

the kind of alone that drives home at night and yearns for only the shape of their own body, soft and familiar in the forms that it takes. Wrapping itself around a pillow, taking up the space... misconfigured, immodest, spilling over and dipping freely and comfortably. You must learn to crave that specific type of alone.

As a Woman I’ve learned the power of graceful restraint, coming to know when what you ache to say is already spelled out, a woman learns to trust subtle knowingness. She learns that words are the smallest part of the whole, as fun as they are to play with.... play can be spared.

A Woman knows that despite everything, she will be alright. She knows the well of resilience and strength that resonates through her whole being, even when she can’t bear it...she can do anything.

As a woman I trust my ability to love selflessly and selfishly in equal measure, inward and outward.

I may not always pay my parking tickets on time. I still wonder which paths my career will take me on....or who I’ll end up with. How the hell to organize my closet properly and if 4 Luna Bars & iced coffees in one day can be considered proper “meals,” when on the run (the answer is no.) I still need my Dad. I still want my Mom to like my outfits, my boyfriends, my hair color. The parts about being a Girl worth keeping are there....they’re playful and raw, completely, softly discernable. While ALL the years, the lessons, the introspection of a Woman exist, freely and proudly, I embody that which I've wanted to become..... and embrace that it's all still a process....

...Growing up isn’t too bad."

(Chelsea, Just Like a Woman)

Inspire

"...Your actions [should] inspire others 
to dream more, learn more, 
do more and become more..." 

- John Quincy Adams

Moving Forward

SPIRIT

It is easy to dwell on the past, especially when the past is filled with heartache. However, “until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them." (Iyanla Vanzant)   

During this time of transition from summer to fall it is important that we all are making peace with our past and moving forward with our lives.  After all, it is a brand new season. I encourage you to embrace it. Don't allow people or situations of your past to hold you back; just as summer has ended their season has ended, too. 

Image: Clifford Coffin 

Made Me Smile

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

 - Phyllis Diller

______________________

A child's face always makes me smile, 

so naturally when I came across this image today on the web I smiled.

What Made You Smile Today? 

Love Never Fails

Happy Valentine's Day

to all the single ladies and all the ladies in love